My son is looking at colleges.
His grades are meh 3.0 - 3.2. He will not be going to Harvard. He would not want to anyway.
We visited two what I considered very unique colleges Monday and Tuesday.
1. Highpoint University - It was such an overemphasis one money, it gave me anxiety. The facilities are all brand new. Food is a big deal. I think they place kids in good jobs but yuck. Even my son said it was too fake and "cultish."
2. Warren Wilson - On the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Very liberal. Old run down buildings. The tour guide described a co ed dorm as, "the first floor is male identifiers, the second floor is female identifiers, and the third floor is LGBTIA."
Neither are for him. He is an southern boy who likes fishing and hunting and golf. He will likely end up at Georgia College, Ole Miss (or a similar SEC school), or, I am rooting for, Kennesaw State.
Not judging. I never though I was THAT liberal, but I felt much more comfortable at Warren Wilson. Very interesting juxtaposition. There is something out there for everyone.
Our 1st is about to decide.
by domer.mq 
, Thursday, April 09, 2026, 17:36 (9 days ago) @ Grantland
4.0 unweighted, 10APs, 5s in all but one of the AP exams, where she got a 4, individual state XC champion, leads model UN, awards in mock trial, started a legit organization to help pull girls thru middle school w/o giving up on participating in sports... Didn't get into any of the 3 she really wanted. She's pretty heartbroken. I'm pretty shocked.
She did get into some great schools, but I suspect she's gonna go head over heart now and be a Terrapin. Hard to choose to pay so much money for anything that wasn't a dream.
Some of it was fun. The early recruiting process was really cool, but the NIL and House Ruling have really fucked up distance running as an opportunity unless you're in the top 10 nationally. She got some nice offers, but not from anywhere she wanted to attend. I'm wondering when everyone will look up and realize outside of football, damned near none of the athletes are from the USA, let alone the home state.
Anyway, she's exactly like all the kids I attended ND with who made me feel completely inadequate. I know she got it from her mom, but I really don't know how a kid can work as hard as she does at... everything. She'll do well wherever she goes and as well as she can in the future ahead. But this entire process has left me a little shell shocked.
Oh. Meant to say, I totally get the others here who feel like they screwed up. I genuinely suspect I screwed it up.
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Sometimes I rhyme slow sometimes I rhyme quick.
I kind of see it all as a bit of a blessing…
In the sense of freeing us from these antiquated notions of the “right” way to apply to and attend college.
It’s less like this in Texas, but growing up in the mid-Atlantic there was so much pressure to get into the best school to then do XYZ and it would all make or break our lives. And the stickers in the back windshield and the bragging. Much of it legacy immigrant mentality, I suspect.
And sure it all matters, but life and success are not so reductive and few of us at 18 have any clue what is “best” for us or how many other variables and weightings will play into that.
I always tell the story of my uncle, a medical doctor of modest academic institutions, who desperately wanted his daughter to attend a particular elite liberal arts school, and when she chose another, similarly elite liberal arts school, he refused to wear a sweatshirt of that school out of spite. Eventually she went on to Harvard Law, and he couldn’t wait to put on that stuff, but I always felt so bad for him and her.
Anyway, it’s liberating for kids to be able to pick the spot they like most or best without the pressures of it meaning EVERYTHING. And that’s a healthy thing.
Edit: my oldest is still too young to be in the college admissions funnel, so ask me in a few years and I may feel very differently, but I remember that pressure and I’m not sure it’s best for anyone.
I agree with this
That obsession with "elite" universities is one of the most toxic things about America's deeply toxic relationship with higher education.
One of the things that has changed since I was 18...
by domer.mq , Friday, April 10, 2026, 09:26 (9 days ago) @ HCE
Is that it's really freaking hard to get into the larger state schools. My kid got into UNC, Michigan, SDSU, PSU, Pitt, Ohio State, NC State, and Maryland, but we know a TON of kids who didn't get into any of them, including Maryland, and I'm not talking about kids who just slept thru HS. Honor roll kids with really strong metrics didn't get into Maryland and are absolutely crushed about it. Everything outside of the SEC seems VERY selective these days.
The other thing that's really changed is the money. UNC, SDSU, and Michigan didn't offer anything. PSU, Pitt, Ohio State, and NC State all offered a pretty big chunk, but given the out-of-state tuition, are all still MUCH more expensive, by multiples, over Maryland.
I knew things had changed, but it's still crazy to me considering I was offered full rides from PSU, Maryland, NC State, and UNC when I was a kid without even trying.
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Another thing that's changed
is the way students understand what college even is. In the last decade of teaching upper middle class kids, it's astonishing how many more students think about college primarily through the lens of a four-year, consequence free "experience," rather than a training ground for thinking or self-discovery.
I probably have 30 kids right now whose priorities are: 1.) Somewhere warm, 2.) Is a "new" campus packed with student-friendly, fun ammenities, 3.) Has Greek life, and 3.) has SEC football (and if not down south than in California for the "vibes.") So, sure, be from the Chicago suburbs and pay out of state tuition to go to Miss St. to major in marketing. Makes sense.
This year, a senior in my class explained she chose Carnegie-Melon because she's fundamentally a STEM kid, but wanted a school that also took the arts seriously (in other words, an actual, legitimate reason for choosing a college.) Half the class looked at her like she had two heads.
We're seeing a lot of that...
by domer.mq , Saturday, April 11, 2026, 15:24 (7 days ago) @ IrishGuard
I'm not really against it. I figure if they aren't going to college for that, it's not like they'd transform into another type of person. But it drives my daughter a little crazy. I think I was probably much the same way at her age.
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Life is hard before and it will be harder afterward
Some who don’t take advantage of the tremendous learning opportunities may regret it later, but many won’t. But as long as as you’re not mortgaging your future to goof off for 4 years, I similarly don’t see the harm. College is the best.
It's like the Grand Tour
for 19-th Century lordlings, except replace literature, art, romance, and architecture with vomiting Bud Ice into the mouth of some chick from Ohio State.
Let's not romanticize the Grand Tour too much.
by PMan , The Banks of the Spokane River, Tuesday, April 14, 2026, 14:27 (5 days ago) @ IrishGuard
Plenty of European aristocrats liked to party too hard on the Via del Corso for Carnivale in the 18th and 19th centuries. Lots of breaking of "social norms" while "studying" abroad, even then.
But enough about Urban Meyer.
by domer.mq , Sunday, April 12, 2026, 16:31 (6 days ago) @ IrishGuard
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Some of the SEC is pretty darn selective, too
The ones that have surprised me from talking to other families whose kids have gone through the process are Georgia (Cavan explained why below) and Tennessee. Even FSU, which was considered a glorified community college when I graduated from high school in Florida in the early 90s, now has an admissions rate that's less than 20 percent (which I find truly stunning).
Oh for sure...
by domer.mq , Friday, April 10, 2026, 12:46 (9 days ago) @ BPH
It's just that our HS is sending far more kids to USC, Bama, Auburn, and Ole Miss this year than to Maryland. It's pretty fascinating.
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We have the HOPE scholarship in Georgia,
which has kept a lot of kids in state, which also means it is much more difficult to get into UGA or GT. My son did his HS dual enrollment at Kennesaw State and was considering going to UGA after his freshman year as a transfer. He likes KSU so much (and they have his major) that he decided to stay. We have a number of kids at KSU who didn't get into UGA or Tech as HS seniors, but then transfer there after their freshman year.
That HOPE program is awesome.
by domer.mq , Friday, April 10, 2026, 12:07 (9 days ago) @ Bryan (IrishCavan)
I am extremely envious of it.
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I’ve seen a number of kids recently go the CC feeder ->
by Joe I , Friday, April 10, 2026, 10:55 (9 days ago) @ domer.mq
State school route. Seems like a win/win on many levels. 2 year AA, then a Bachelors degree at a preferred state school, plus dramatically lower out of pocket expenses.
I see the appeal of that
especially for kids (you're in SoCal, too, right?) who dream of going to UCLA or one of the other elite UCs but can't get in out of high school. On the other hand, I think there's a strong argument to be made, in terms of social development, in favor of starting as a freshman with thousands of fellow first-years and going through those four years together. I'm not sure transfer students get the same "college experience." So if my UCLA-obsessed daughter doesn't get in (she's still a sophomore), I will encourage her to let the dream die and find another school she'll probably love just as much.
Yes to all that.
by Joe I , Friday, April 10, 2026, 12:53 (9 days ago) @ BPH
These kids have and are all targeting a UC, and didn’t get in originally. They also happen to have a strong network already built in the LA area, which significantly diminishes (in their case) a value add of going to a 4 year as a freshman.
There’s no single answer for everyone.
It's been a few years, so I've been able to cool down a bit
Nope. Kidding! Still done with ND forever.
(First off, I am sorry for the news you and your daughter got. Please forgive this rant and accept in it the spirit of camaraderie)
2 years later, I can look over the admissions stats from the 2024 cycle and our son was significantly above every reported median admission range. 1580 SAT, 35 ACT, 25 AP credits, 4.3 weighted gpa, 6th in Illinois' math tournament, and granted, a mediocre varsity athlete.
He spent his senior year taking science and math classes at the college of DuPage, because they'd run out of high school classes.
ND reported that the middle 50% of admitted students that year were between 1460-1540 SAT, 4.13 weighted GPA, substantially fewer AP courses, and 33-35 ACT - but noting that scores were optional and could be considered OR ignored as admission criteria that year (they have since been reinstated).
He would have been in the top 25% of admitted students in literally every objective reported category. It was the ONLY school he wanted to attend.
Maybe he just wrote a shitty essay? Maybe I didn't donate enough money.
Anyway, I am absolutely never, for the rest of my life, going to come to terms with this, or give ND a single dollar or the benefit of any doubt. I'll never attend another football game or even set foot on campus.
He's at Illinois, set to graduate early from freaking Grainger electrical engineering (because he started with like 25 college credits). But he couldn't even get waitlisted at ND. And in the meantime they have hundreds of MAGA chuds, in what should have been his class, posting hate online.
So in conclusion, while neither ND nor my kid cares, my wife and I will hold this grudge for the rest of our lives. It still feels personal, like a way to punish me, specifically, for ignoring one too many fund drives or saying the wrong thing about NDLS to a representative who called.
Thats crazy.
by domer.mq , Friday, April 10, 2026, 05:08 (9 days ago) @ MattG
Though fantastic news about your son's achievements. Congrats there.
I think the biggest thing my daughter "fell" into with her Big 3 was that other really incredible kids from her school also applied, and sure enough, 1 got into 2 of them and another got into the 3rd. For whatever reason, my kid's "profile" wasn't a fit for those schools' priorities this year. No idea.
In some ways I'm hoping this is a surprise blessing. She can go to Maryland for extremely relatively cheap and have a lot of money left in her college funds for law school, which she seems quite determined to attend.
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Appreciate all this perspective
Matty's too but I've known some of his background already.
The athletics element has changed the equation for us, and really for me in a great way. We fell into wrestling as a sport because my son was cut from the middle school basketball team due to his size (despite the fact that he was starting over other kids on his club team).
It was a great, but extremely tough, lesson to learn early in life...things aren't fair. And it's how you respond to this adversity. The wrestling coach invited him to come to the team. His original goal was to be the starter...and wound up finishing 5th in state. He fell in love with the sport. No dads giving preferential treatment to sons. A clear link to input and performance. The most fair and equitable way to determine a roster spot. It became an obsession for him.
Fast forward to today and the topic at hand. He's a junior and is finally starting to break into national rankings (not at the top but just general recognition). So, we've started the process slowly. Focused on high academic caliber D-3 schools. We did this somewhat intentionally. Other friends went right to D-1 schools, with camps and visits, but with the portal and changing NIL there are way less spots than there used to be for high school prospects. Now those families are having to backtrack and find smaller schools that might have room.
From our POV, if we could secure some D-3 interest and he has a great summer and senior season then it's easier to move up the chain then down. ND would have been a dream school (for me) but not having a wrestling program has forced me to be way more objective about this and how we handle the process. Not sure if we are doing it the right way but he's having fun (well, not loving the increased academic rigor of junior year) and should be on track to follow his dream.
Good luck.
by domer.mq , Friday, April 10, 2026, 09:39 (9 days ago) @ Domer99
I am positive that recruiting varies quite a bit from sport to sport. Some things really evolved quickly from early in my daughter's JR year to now. Roster limits is a big thing now in Track/XC. Used to be a coach could just have as many as were willing to run on a roster if they wanted to. That was just a couple years ago. The House Ruling changed that, and so now the roster limits have really have a major effect on running and, we know from a friend, swimming. And that was all sort of happening real time last year. Early on we had a ton of D1 interest, and then it just kept collapsing. And you'd google and find out some kid from another D1 just transferred to the school who just sent you a thanks, no thanks email. That was rough.
The other thing with running recruiting is the massive international competition. My daughter (and us) really thought we were about to entirely wrap up the recruiting in October with a nice fitting school at a mid-tier D1 program, top 40 school. Her plan was to commit the day after the state xc championship. Day before the meet, they call her to say things have changed and the offer is no longer good.
Luckily that didn't derail her meet. I almost wanted to call up after states and tell them they're crazy. She just crushed the entire field across 1 thru 4A. But then I saw that they got a commitment from Australia's 4th or 5th best runner nationally. Ah well. In running, the Europeans, Africans, and Australians have all really taken over. They're basically pros, all entering as "freshman" aged 20, and almost all of them with their own sponsorship deals already, so the schools don't even have to offer money to entice them, just access to the school and the coaching and training. I don't begrudge these folks for taking advantage of the opportunity, but when it directly affects your kid is sure does sting. And when you think about the state schools, you kind of wonder how the priorities are all aligning with the given mission of the schools.
My only real advice is to try to prep you kid as much as possible for the experience. EVERYONE will be extremely nice and really show a lot of love until they no longer want your kid, and then it's just an absolute cold cutoff after an email or call. It's one thing as a parent, but my daughter had literally never seen this kind of human interaction before, and then she got it from 3 or 4 schools. It was hard on her.
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Seconded!
by irishvol , Music City, USA, Friday, April 10, 2026, 09:03 (9 days ago) @ Domer99
Have a HS freshman who's pretty strong academically but also wants to pursue college baseball opportunities. At this point, we're early in the exploratory stages to see what would be a good fit for him. All levels. It's overwhelming - threads like this help keep things in perspective.
As an aside, if anyone has tips on navigating the college recruiting process from the athlete's perspective, would love to hear any insights. Email link in my signature if that's easier.
Not sure how helpful this is
But some elements I found useful.
- Take your kids to overnight camps at colleges they might be interested in. Overnight camps are great for them to experience the location of the school, it won't replicate a college experience but gets them familiar with surroundings. At the very least, they get some good instruction.
- I'd recommend this later vs. earlier (so junior year maybe into senior year), but prospect camps are great exposure too.
- I don't know a ton about this but NCSA helps and seems to have a ton of free services to help student-athletes. They help you with a recruiting profile and provide your child advice and tools to reach out to schools they like. Cautionary warning: they do try to upsell premium services and it's an IMG filtering program.
- As domer.mq intimates, make sure they are prepared for rejection and some heartache. College athletics can be cutthroat and many of these coaches/programs don't care.
- Above all else, be supportive of your child. Enjoy the time you get to spend. Let them kind of carve their path and stay out of the way. Obviously be there and support, but I've seen too many parents drive this process to the point where it's backfired and their kids don't enjoy it.
Very helpful - thanks!
by irishvol , Music City, USA, Sunday, April 12, 2026, 18:54 (6 days ago) @ Domer99
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I feel like we should grab coffee at some point
I don't think anything that you think factored into this, actually factored into it. Your kid is awesome. Whatever happened wrt ND isn't a reflection on him or you or anyone. I think it's the outcome of a Plinko game.
My donation history to ND was the minimal amount to get football lottery for years, and then, when the kids were young and life was too busy it became exactly zero. I've written strongly worded emails to Jenkins about a range of things that upset me well before my kids were accepted.
My daughter is class of '27 and she is awesome. I figured she'd have a "zip code" issue - being from Chicagoland. But, she got in and surprised both my wife and I when she decided to go. I didn't think it was where she wanted to be. Her experience has been good. The women at ND are far more liberal than many of the men, as far as I can tell.
My son, the senior in HS, also was accepted. He got into every school he applied to, with the notable exception of three New England schools (one denial and two waitlists). Plinko? Or we simply didn't fit the profile (despite my east coast upbringing, ha!).
My takeaway? None of this makes any damn sense. You do what you can do. But, in the end, it's a weird coin-flip. But, I don't think your kid is being punished for anything you did (or didn't do).
I get all that; but I’m not going to change my mind on this.
There was - at some point - a subjective decision by SOMEONE to cut him out. There’s no objective criteria that would have done so.
And I don’t believe that ND is literally flipping coins.
And if they were, how many consecutive coin flips do you have to lose to fall from “top quartile of admitted students” to “literally not even waitlisted”?
Keep in mind - not the top quartile of APPLICANTS. The top quartile of ADMITTED.
(Edit to add / his essay was largely about how he worked as a tutor / mentor at our local resource center for low-income, primarily undocumented kids. It’s possible that it was just too political of a thing to talk about, or rubbed an admissions counselor the wrong way during the 2024 election season which was ALL about immigration. It would really just take one person to 86 it.)
Not trying to change your mind
And I’m sorry this happened. I can say that not donating enough or saying the wrong thing about NDLS almost certainly played no role in what by all objective measures was an inexplicable decision. Sometimes the process produces a serious error.
There are a lot of stories like yours over the years, unfortunately.
To Matt's point
by OGerry , Maine wilderness, Sunday, April 12, 2026, 07:10 (7 days ago) @ Dallasdomer
Fuck those lying, incompetent ratfuckers.
Still waiting for one of those asshats to look me in the eye and give an accounting of themselves.
More and more
I'm convinced that admission into selective schools is a coin flip. And it's pretty damn easy to get tails 3x in a row. This doesn't do you any good, or make your daughter feel better. But the whole process seems completely inscrutable.
My junior is currently starting the medical school admissions process, and, well, it doesn't get any more understandable....
best of luck to you all, and especially your daughter!
These stories are insane.
by Regular Joseph , Thursday, April 09, 2026, 19:48 (9 days ago) @ bobbywal
What a privilege to have gotten in to Notre Dame once upon a time.
What's the deal with college anyway? I'd like to think there's some space for a truly specially selective life of the mind cohort, but it doesn't seem like it. Easier to check out on all the selectivity after accepting that.
Good luck. We just finished the process with our 6th grader.
by San Pedro , More than 100 feet from Bob Davies, Thursday, April 09, 2026, 16:58 (9 days ago) @ Grantland
I kid, mostly.
I only have two bits of advice to offer
First, there are a lot of schools out there - a huge number of schools - and we found that first visits were for weeding out the ones where the kid could tell quickly they wouldn't be happy. But we encouraged and abetted multiple follow-ups in the spring so they could find where they would be happiest. A lot of that, once you get through the fall and the weeding-out process, is figuring out the geography and how it meshes with what the kid wants. The rest is based on student body (I am presuming he's only looking at schools where his desired major is offered). There is a school I fell in love with for each of our kids; gorgeous campus, good majors and job placement, beautiful surroundings; unfortunately it was in a smaller town/city that had no "college" area (despite having two colleges) and really felt run down while at the same time being like 2 hours from anywhere you'd want to go.
Second, do your own research. There is a website I used https://highereddive.com, and I'm sure some will take issue with it. But it did a good job of chronicling and cataloguing closures of schools as well as other money issues. I also used https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/ and it helps you dig into the financials of the schools you're looking into. By using those tools and doing your own work, you can get a good feel for whether a school that seems to be expanding really quickly (sounds like you've seen one!) is actually expanding too quickly and is financially unsound. You can also get a feel for whether a school that looks like it hasn't changed much has done so with intent or because it is financially unsound.
For our 3.25 student, finding a place where they fit and felt like they were going to be challenged but not overwhelmed was key. But as you seem to have already picked up, those schools can be tricky because on their face it's hard to figure whether they are in great financial shape or barely getting by. So doing the dive into financials will help you feel comfortable that when he finds the place where he really feels he fits and really wants to spend the next stage of life you can feel that the place will be there and not be undergoing weird changes or facing cutbacks that in retrospect you will kick yourself for not having seen coming.
Overall, it is actually a really fun process for kids like your son and our similar student. Getting beyond the chase for prestige and really getting into a search to find a place that you think they'll love is a joyful thing as a parent. And that's not to knock higher-GPA kids either - our first was in a somewhat different place; still no Ivy and not even ND-level; but wound up picking his school over one with higher prestige/status because the chosen school really felt like home. As graduation nears, I couldn't be happier with that choice.
Enjoy!
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The 2007 ND-UCLA game was a once in a lifetime experience, I hope
We are in the final throes with our second - weeks to go
And, I agree that it was fun for a while. But now it feels like a staring contest.... He's got a great list of places to choose from and has narrowed it down to, I think, two places. But, even though this is our second, I still feel like we somehow messed up.
That aside, the process to get to this final month was a total blast. Visits are fun and can be real opportunities to spend quality time with a child on the verge of leaving home - always worth remembering that you've spent the vast majority of your time with your child before they turn 18....
Just be thankful you’re not my parents, where one of their
by Joe I , Thursday, April 09, 2026, 18:20 (9 days ago) @ bobbywal
children only applied to a single college.